What I Would Have Done Differently???

Only 2 individuals have asked me what I would have done differently if I would have known that Mylie was going to die. I didn't know how to respond to either individual. But it is something that I think about it all the time. Guilt is something that runs through our minds frequently. Dan and I have openly discussed our feelings of guilt with others in our support group, therapy sessions, and with family and friends. Guilt is something that is so hard to deal with because we can never go back and change it.

Mylie's death has forever changed our lives. It has also change our other children's lives and they way that we raise them. We are less frequent to take them for granted, get frustrated, or annoyed (although it does still happen). But when I am living in the moment of getting annoyed, I tend to quickly stop myself in my tracks and think "What if they died tomorrow? Would I be acting like this?"

I decided to write on this particular post about what I would do differently if I knew Mylie was going to die. Maybe it can help someone else? I'm not sure... but at least it's good to reflect on our past and think about how we can change the future and the way that we act to others.

1. I would have given her more attention, love, kisses, and hugs.

2. I wouldn't have been so focused on how Adeline was going to handle being a big sister and just enjoyed the moment with both of my girls. I often feel like I gave Adeline way more attention than I gave Mylie.

3. I would have taken LOTS more pictures.

4. I would have bought a video camera and captured hours of her.

5. I would have taped her sounds of laugther and giggling.

6. I would told her how much I love her EVERY single day.

7. I would have stayed at home on Christmas instead of running around across town from place to place.

8. I wouldn't have listened to others on how I should raise my children. I would have just treated and loved them what I felt was comfortable and appropriate.

9. I would have forced us to sit together as a family on the floor and play more often during the evenings before bedtime.

10. I would have taken her hand and footprints and made some type of stone or Christmas ornament.

11. I wouldn't complain about the petty little stuff about being a mother of small children. For example: staying up late at night with her, listening to her crying in the car, the large amounts of dirty clothes she made me clean, and when she spit up on my shirt.

12. I would have let her experience more things in life. For example: take a lick of a sucker, feel and taste the cold snow, etc..

13. I would have just lived each moment with her and appreciated her presence.

Don't forget to enjoy your children. You never know what the next day will bring.